Why I “Hate” the Week After Christmas (And What That’s Taught Me)

The days between December 25th and New Year’s seem like they should be great - people are sleeping in a bit, work is lighter, and there are still Christmas cookies. But for years, I’d find myself irritated or down -- and really didn’t understand why. So I just said I “hated” this week and simply waited for it to pass. Now -- I’ve actually figured out why.

It turns out I didn’t really hate it at all (Hence the quotes.) When the holiday buzz slowed down, and the festivities were over, I just had the chance to notice something I really didn’t like.

41% of Americans say their stress levels are elevated during the holidays (That’s nearly half of the people you interact with at Christmas parties, church events, and family gatherings!). I’d say my stress level is elevated during the holidays, too… but not because of my Christmas shopping or my schedule. After a little reflection I have realized it’s because the holidays – and especially that week after Christmas – force me to notice a very specific way that I feel lonely. The last week of each year causes me to see up close what I already know deep down inside: I have a hole in my relational world.

It’s always true. I just notice it more that week.

As I look around, the quiet after Christmas emphasizes the fact that other people are still enjoying an aspect of relationship that I just don’t have. Many of you are visiting with aunts and uncles, hosting cousin sleepovers with matching PJs, or gathering with siblings you always want to see more. The holidays bring communities of extended families together. However, my extended family rarely sees one another. I lack that specific sense of community in my life. We also don’t have a shared faith experience, so holidays are celebrated differently. Much of my family is disconnected from God - some wanting nothing to do with the faith that’s the whole foundation of my life. The fact that we don’t have camaraderie and joy in this realm of relationship leaves me with an emptiness that I just can’t shake off. And I struggle to imagine how to grow those deep connections now when life has taken us pretty far apart.

It’s a very specific kind of loneliness.

For years, I felt this way, and even if I didn’t understand it, I hated how I felt. Then, I started to reflect on why I felt this way. When I got it, I realized that there was an unfulfilled element of relationship that I couldn’t just talk myself out of. I might not have it, but I was created for it.

The loneliness I felt was actually a clue to a divine design.