From Likes to Love
Weare thirsty for people to like us, even when we don’t want to admit it. Just like our physical
thirst, our desire for approval is a constant flow that’s only quenched when we stop trying to be liked and get filled with something better…. Love.
We are all designed with the need to be connected, loved, and approved-of…the question is, where are you going to fulfill that need? Is it God… or is it where most people go? Billions of people worldwide spend hours every day chasing likes on… you guessed it… social media.
Thirsty People
Social media is an amazing digital system specifically crafted to provide everyone with their own 24/7 channel of assurance that they are liked. The “like” element isn’t even hidden: it’s a central part of the experience. Every day, there are 4.2 billion likes registered on Instagram alone!!
You’d think this barrage of affirmation would satisfy us, but that isn’t true at all! During my
research for a recent sermon on this same subject, I found that two-thirds of individuals — get
this — report feeling worse about their lives as a result of the social media experience. Nearly
half say it leads to feeling anxious or depressed. Over half add that they are harassed or bullied
online.
The place where we are going to quench our thirst to be liked is doing a terrible job of meeting
our needs: 56% of social media users are more likely to report they are ‘unhappy’ compared to
those who don’t use social media at all! We go there chasing likes and end up feeling less
happy, less open to relationships, and less emotionally stable.
Even worse, we are becoming emotionally, mentally, and physically addicted to the need to be
liked. (Has anyone else experienced the “phantom buzz”?) Deep down, on a basic level, we
don’t need the surface affirmation of others; we need to be truly and deeply loved. It’s what we
were created for. It’s why the number one hashtag of all time is #love. It’s a word that has so
many definitions, and yet, it’s the core need beneath our desire for likes- a need our Creator
was designed to fill.
How Do We Fill Our Need to Be Loved?
How do we shift from pursuing the addicting “like” to enjoying a real and satisfying love that fills us from the inside out and breaks our addiction? Here are three steps to help you start that transition:
Start by Asking Questions
Don’t let your current social media habits uncontrollably drive your behavior. Anyone else ever find themselves mindlessly scrolling their feeds while minutes fly by on the clock? Or checking back every few minutes to see how many people liked your story? Feeling disappointed when there aren’t as many comments as you hoped? It’s okay to admit your desire for likes. But we have to challenge that need through some simple questions.
Why do you want likes? Whose likes mean the most to you? What are you looking for on different platforms? Does wherever you are (Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, text threads, etc.) really provide the water for your thirst? After you spend time there, do you feel more or less Alive?
These kinds of questions are the best way to notice your own desires and start to challenge your own habits. They disrupt any unhealthy status quo in your life and get your brain thinking about what/when/why you are doing what you’re doing.
Correct Your Understanding of Love
Next, think of what it really means to “love.” What does it look like to love and be loved?
I think, in many cases, we treat love as a “how can I know you love me?” concept. We use it to seek affirmation to fill ourselves. At the end of the day, we reduce love to a form of narcissism, a self-focused concept that means when we are affirmed, we feel loved, but those who don’t affirm or “love” us we see as stealing from us what we need, leaving us unhappy, angry and, eventually, bitter.
What if you approached love from another angle… from a “how can you know I love you?” perspective? This is a love that looks outward. It is a love that turns focus to others rather than demanding its own affirmation. It is the kind of love described in 1 Corinthians 13… “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”
Find an Infinite Source of Love
Finally, you have to seek an infinite source of love that is capable of meeting your infinite needs. When you shift from seeking love in the form of shallow, fragile “likes” and turn instead to God, you will find the truth of what French philosopher and thinker Blaise Pascal famously said, “the infinite abyss can only be filled by an infinite and immutable Object, that is to say, only by God Himself.”
God is the source of infinite love that we all need. We were literally designed by a Creator to be filled up with it. Ephesians 3:18-19 states this when it says, “How wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge — that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.”
He loved you with the love that he created. The Bible tells us that God is love. He is the author of love. His love is a love that is focused on your well-being. It’s the love spoken about in John 3:16, “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life,” and 1 John 3:16, “This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us.
There’s a God who decided to love you first. He sacrificed to affirm your everlasting value. He couldn’t have given any more to show you how much you are loved- and liked! When Jesus is the person whose affirmation you seek, you’re going to get filled up. His love is your ultimate source of affirmation.
Going From Likes to Love
We will only stop chasing the likes of others when we are filled with the real, satisfying love of God. Don’t settle for likes when this kind of love is available. When you receive the love that Jesus has for you, the endless need for affirmation from other people will slow to a trickle and eventually stop. My guess is that you will find yourself obsessing less over social media and feeling better about who you were made to be… because your thirst to be liked will finally be quenched with love.
If you want to hear more from me, sign up for my email newsletter. You can also pre-order my new book, Blueprint for Belonging, here.
More Articles
A Reintroduction to Alli Patterson & Where God Is Taking Me
Called To A Courageous Mission
God Loves to Use Hard Decisions. Let Him.
What’s the Superpower of Your Faith?
Welcome to the Gospel of John
What is God’s Name?
Meet Rahab: The Prostitute God Loved
Intimacy is More than Sex
Why Does God Want my Money?
Should I Get Baptized?
Why There’s no Elf on My Shelf
Kid Activities: How To Choose?!
Gratitude to the Rescue
How Jesus did Friendship
Fasting – Ugh, the waiting.
Go On… Risk it.
Can I Do Yoga?
What Makes a Great Party
Love: Am I actually doing it?
Handling Work and Kids
Rest More. Rest Better
Don’t Forget to Play!
A Few Bucks to Better Friendships
The Key to a Closer Relationship with Anyone
How to be a Great Date
Did I Hear God?
Does God Have a Name?
Would Jesus Post on Instagram?
